We can only imagine the happiness and relief they each felt at this joyous reunion. Yet, the Talmud tells us that these were actually tears of pain. Yosef prophetically saw the destruction of the two Temples that would one day sit in the portion of Binyamin. Binyamin, too, wept over the destruction of the Tabernacle that he foresaw  would stand in Shiloh, the portion of Yosef’s son Ephrayim.

Were there truly no tears of joy expressed here, only tears of grief and pain? Should a future tragedy cloud the joy of the moment? What of the famous adage Rebbi Yehoshua ben Korcha professed that ‘we must rejoice at times of happiness and be saddened in times of distress’, but never shall the twain conflict?

The description of them falling while crying onto one another’s necks is also unusual. Why is the neck mentioned specifically, wouldn’t it more appropriate to emphasize their falling onto each other’s shoulders?

The Zohar indeed reveals that the term צואר, the neck, is used specifically here since it is the neck that serves as a metaphor for the Temple, as we find how King Solomon describes the Temple in the Song of Songs as, כמגדל דויד צוארך בנוי לתלפיות (שה"ש ד ד), Your ‘neck’ is like the tower of David builded with turrets.

Many suggest that the parallel to the neck lays in the fact that just as the neck connects the mind to the body, so too, the Temple joins the heavenly spheres and its influences to the material world.

There are only two other instances in all of the Torah, where ‘falling onto another’s neck’ is mentioned as well.

A bit later when the Torah describes Yosef meeting up with his father after so many years of absence, there too, he falls onto Yaakov’s neck and weeps excessively.(שם מו כט)

The first occurrence however of this uncommon custom to fall emotionally on someone’s neck takes place much earlier when Esav who is chasing after Yaakov catches up to him and in a moment of what seems as brotherly affection ‘embraces Yaakov, falling on his neck, kissing him as they both cry’. (שם לג ד)

How are we to understand the accent on the ‘neck’ in these instances that seem unrelated to the future Temple?

To compound the mystery even more there are exactly three other references to ‘necks’ in the Book of Bereishis, and each one corresponds to Yaakov, Esav and Yosef respectively.

When Yaakov expresses to his mother, after she instructs him to disguise himself to Yitzchok as Esav, his fear of being discovered as an imposter since he is smooth-skinned while his brother Esav is quite hirsute, she takes the skins of the hairy goat-kids and covers his arms ‘and his smoothed skin neck’.(שם כז טז)

Later when Esav discovers Yaakov’s ploy he gets hysterical and succeeds in wheedling a blessing from his father, with Yitzchok assuring him that when he will be justifiably aggrieved over the loss of his original blessing, when the Children of Israel will transgress the Torah, he, Esav ‘may cast off his yoke from upon his neck’.(שם שם מ)

After Pharaoh is duly impressed by Yosef’s wisdom and appoints him as viceroy over Egypt he dresses him in fine linen and ‘places a gold chain upon his neck’. (שם מא מב)

Can this be merely a coincidence? What is the Torah teaching us?

The Patriarchs sought to bring G-d’s Divine Presence to earth. They are depicted as the ‘Chariot for the Divine Presence’. Every breath they took, every action they initiated was infused with the spirit of the Temple and its absolute service to G-d. The greeting they used, to embrace and kiss the neck, was an expression of their stated goal to enmesh with perfect precision their lower physical being with the will of G-d that was dictated by their upper minds and attitudes that  reflected G-d’s exact word, will and spirit.

The Torah’s intent in contrasting Yaakov’s smooth-skinned neck with that of the hairy animal-like nape of Esav, was to emphasize Yaakov’s supreme role in mastering the bond between the flesh and spirit and Esav’s animalistic instincts that merely employ its higher intelligence to become just that, a higher echelon animal endowed with a higher intelligence.

When we fail to choose wisely by allowing our passions, drives and earthly ambitions to cloud our thinking, then Esav revokes the yoke that contains him and is free to pursue his beastly ways.

This notion however considers only the role of the neck as the conduit for food that nourishes the body, that draws in the air which oxygenates our bodies through the marvelous circulatory system  we are blessed with and is the juncture for the nervous system that coordinates all our actions and functions, all guided by our complex and remarkable brain.

But the neck plays an additional very significant role.

The Targum Yonason Ben Uziel when translating the word for neck in the verses describing Yosef’s falling on the necks of Binyamin and his father Yaakov, doesn’t refer to the neck in general terms, צוורוי, as he usually does, but deviates and translates it more specifically as  פריקת צוורוי, stressing the מפרקת,  the cervical vertebrae.

The ability to move, tilt, raise, and turn our heads freely is vital to the manner in which we communicate with one another. The position of one’s head can indicate fear, doubt, intimidation, suspicion and disdain. It can equally convey warmth, kindness, interest, submission and trust.

The Midrash tells us that Yosef received a gold chain on his neck in reward for his ‘not having even inclined his neck in consent’ towards the seductress wife of Potiphar.

The ability to master communication effectively and convey without confusion or misunderstanding the pure will of G-d, selflessly, is part of the great sophistication of man and his mission as a ‘Chariot for the Divine Presence’ in the image of the Patriarchs.

The Talmud states that Yaakov declined to fall on the neck of Yosef because he suspected that perhaps Yosef’s handsome projection brought him under the influence of women.(כלה רבתי פ"ג)  

We are also taught that Yaakov was reciting the Shma at their moment of encounter.

Perhaps Yaakov was conveying a lesson to Yosef that our ultimate goal is to imprint the will of G-d and his unity in every facet of our lives. One must scrutinize every tilt or extension of our head lest it be misconstrued as an invitation for sin. In the Temple of the Patriarchs and their families there had to be a striving for perfection and utter connection to G-d in every fiber of our being.

The legendary gaon and tzaddik of pre-war Telshe Yeshiva, Rav Mordechai Pogramanski offers a remarkable explanation as how to understand the tears of Yosef and Binyamin over the future destruction of the Temple and their overwhelming joyous reunion.

He ponders why is it that we cry at happy occasions? In truth he says joy should be absent of tears. We cry because although we celebrate the good fortune and joy that comes our way, but it is yet complete. That sub-conscious awareness and longing for a time of perfect joy is what prods the tears. We are happy but we know that we must strive for something even greater, a day when the awareness of G-d and His unity in the world will be so brilliantly evident that we will dance without tears till eternity.

Of course they rejoiced but the tears of joy that erupted were evidence that the plan has not come to fruition, there will be a destruction, and we must continue to perfect our ability to express the will of G-d in all our relationships so that we may bring the Divine Presence permanently into our midst.

May we never stick our necks where they don’t belong. May we always be conscious of the Temple we carry on our necks. May we project in every subtle move of our heads positivity and the pure will of G-d.

באהבה,

צבי טייכמאן