During these days, we are going to be hearing talks and drashos about achdus, unity, ahavas chinam, and loving our fellow Jews, ahavas Yisrael. The sincere shmuessen will be inspirational and dramatic, and we will genuinely feel that this time we really have to do something toward this goal.

But what does true ahavas Yisrael really look like? I’d like to share some thoughts and one overriding practical suggestion.

There are many major crises currently facing Klal Yisrael, in Eretz Yisrael and around the world. The Iran war’s conclusion has not gone the way we would have wanted, to say the least. Furthermore, tensions and terror in Lebanon against the north of Eretz Yisrael continue.

Internally, the shocking campaign against the yeshivos and Torah learners in Eretz Yisrael over the army draft issue has left us groping for peace and understanding where none appears to be found. Chareidim are being demonized in unprecedented ways.

We are facing many other serious issues in our society as well, too many to list.

Many rabbanim have stated that Israel’s external problems involving security are a direct result to certain powerful government officials who completely lack an appreciation and value for Torah. It’s the zechus of limud haTorah in the yeshivos that provides the State of Israel with success and security, but when that is challenged in a big way, as it is currently, Hashem removes the protection and blessings, and Israel must face many external enemies.

The Torah world and the yeshivos are being devalued by the secular Israeli world and this causes many problems for the State of Israel.

But let’s build on this train of thought and think a little deeper. If the yeshivos are not being appreciated by chilonim, if the chareidi lifestyle is being attacked — from a spiritual perspective, why might that be? Perhaps it is because within our own frum world, we are not appreciating each other. We fight too much, and we fight too hard.

Without going into details — because they don’t really matter, especially in an article like this — over the past year alone, we’ve seen many verbal attacks between groups within the same religious Torah world. Of course, we often have different outlooks and practices, but if any group is led by a genuine talmid chacham, why does one have to delegitimize and demonize them? Why do we have to make them into a pariah? We may not agree and their ways may not be for us, but aren’t they well-meaning and sincere? Aren’t they helping at least some Jews connect with Hashem?

We may feel the need to speak out publicly against certain practices — and even that should be done sparingly — but can we speak about them with love and warmth, even as we say they are wrong? Sometimes we may feel that we have to fight and argue, but do we need to do it so harshly?

Loving my fellow Jews means giving them the benefit of the doubt, acknowledging that though I think they’re wrong, they’re coming from a good place.

There’s a well-known mishnah in Yevamos (1:4) that needs to be applied daily. Despite very serious differences in halachah, many of which affected mamzeirus status, Beis Shammai and Beis Hillel never hesitated to marry into each other’s families. They often vehemently opposed each other, but never fought so hard or so harshly as to make the other group a pariah.

The Netziv makes an important comment in his introduction to Sefer Bereishis. He says that the Second Beis Hamikdash was destroyed because of the baseless hatred in people’s hearts, which means they suspected anyone who served Hashem differently than they did of being a Sadducee and an apikores.

We throw around the word apikores way too easily and apply it to people, and even to rabbanim, who are not “our derech,” and we must stop doing this.

Finding merits for our fellow Jews is really what ahavas Yisrael is all about.

Before we choose to disagree with someone, especially about a particular shitah in halachah or hashkafah, we need to preface our remarks with loving, positive words, such as, “We know they mean well, and they think it’s necessary, especially in today’s times, and perhaps they could be right, but…” There’s no need to be so harsh in our disagreements. And it often produces personal animosity, which creates a terrible divide.

Rav Avrohom Pam made a vital point regarding the greater responsibility of bnei Torah to judge others favorably:

Bnei Torah have a special responsibility to find zechusim for their fellow Jews.

A ben Torah is trained to look for the merit in an incomprehensible statement or halachic opinion found in the Talmud or Shulchan Aruch. He will spend hours trying to resolve a contradiction in the words of the Sages or to defend Rashi from the seemingly irrefutable challenges of Tosafos. He will exert great mental energy to justify the two sides in a halachic dispute between the Shach and the Taz or to refute the Raavad’s critique of the Rambam.

A ben Torah is taught not to judge matters on their surface but to delve deeply into the reasoning behind a particularly puzzling statement or opinion. He knows how to take apart and carefully analyze a statement or train of thought and justify conflicting assertions and opinions. He is trained to focus on the wider picture and not to automatically accept as fact that which appears to be correct at first glance. He is able to see a statement of the Sages in a number of different ways and tries to justify and reconcile each approach.

Shouldn’t this Talmudic training be equally applied to everyday situations in life, when the questionable actions of a person or community can be seen in different ways and yet be judged favorably? A person should always try to find merit for one’s fellow Jews. This will evoke the gratitude of Hashem and bring blessing and success on himself and the Jewish nation.

(Quoted from “A Sense of Responsibility and Acharayus” a pamphlet by Rabbi Sholom Smith, pgs. 25-26)

The Klausenburger Rebbe also spoke strongly about the need to judge our fellow Jews positively, to be dan l’chaf zechus. A collection of drashos on the subject that he gave in 1981 were compiled into a sefer titled Shefa Chaim.

As a survivor of the death camps, the Klausenburger Rebbe had a unique perspective on the importance of judging our fellow Jews favorably. He said that while Jews were living in the camps, they all had a basic feeling of unity for each other. They were all suffering the same horrible fate and they knew it was simply because they were Jewish. This produced a feeling of brotherhood and togetherness.

He thought that after liberation, there would never be fighting among Jews ever again. No Jew would ever think badly of another Jew and would certainly never speak badly of another. The Rebbe remembers being utterly shocked at a highly critical newspaper article he was shown which very unnecessarily denigrated a certain group of Jews, shortly after the war.

The Rebbe says in the sefer:

It is 1900 years since the destruction of the Second Beis Hamikdash and the beginning of this bitter galus we are experiencing. Relatively recently, the terrible rasha, Hitler yemach shemo, killed millions of us, including millions of children.

There are very few of us left, and this yetzer hara to curse and fight each other is still rampant among us? Even the satan, who was given his job by Hashem Yisbarach to prosecute us, is embarrassed at all the pain and suffering he has caused us — and we prosecute ourselves?

We all have to be like the Berditchever Rebbe and judge each other favorably so Klal Yisrael can finally be redeemed from all of the pain of exile.

This does not mean we should condone wicked actions of our fellow Jews, nor does it mean we should get close and become friendly with Jews who would influence us negatively. Chazal say it is forbidden to be mis’chaber l’rasha, to become connected with wicked people, or to do anything that might strengthen or encourage them.

I am not saying that it doesn’t matter what our fellow Jews do to go against the Torah. But I am saying that despite the need at times to criticize our fellow Jews’ actions where necessary, and especially when they are influencing others negatively, we need to focus on praying for our fellow Jews to repent and to begin to see the truth and the light of Torah. We need to feel compassion and mercy for all those who have yet to see the truth of Torah. Jews mean well even if they don’t do things well. We should never prosecute against our fellow Jews, but rather we should judge them favorably, realizing that if their actions are lacking it is due to their ignorance; it is not their true wish to rebel or defy Hashem.

As Likutei Moharan (282) writes, we have to try and judge even a rasha l’chaf zechus. This does not mean to ignore the evil that he has committed, but we should try to find some good in him. When we find some positive facet to him, then in that particular area of his life, we can say that he is not wicked, and he is truly on the side of good, on the kaf zechus, within that one small aspect.

Rav Eliyahu Dessler explains with regard to ayin hara, causing someone possible damage through an “evil eye,” Hashem takes into account the way people are judged by others in this world. Thus, when it comes to a rasha, if we view him in a slightly positive way by finding the good, then in Shamayim, he is also viewed a little more positively. He is given Divine help to continue his small act of goodness, and this help can ultimately lead him to a complete teshuvah. But it all begins with our trying to find some good, some bright spot in the rasha.

So after we hear all the talks about Jewish unity during this mourning period, let’s take it to action.

Let’s fight less, thinking twice or three times before we feel the need to criticize other groups of Jews, especially in the Torah world. And if we still decide we must speak out, let’s do it with kindness and understanding, rather than demonization.

If we can engender more compassion and a searching for merits among the Torah world, this will create a wave that will spill over into the secular Israeli world, until the day comes when Torah and yeshivos will be valued once more.

Rabbi Boruch Leff is a rebbi in Baltimore, an editor, and the author of six books.