The Torah requires the eating of the Korban Pesach, the paschal sacrifice, to be consumed in one place.

Reb Meir Simcha of Dvinsk and the Alexander Rebbe both see in this requirement a precursor of the ultimate goal that was accomplished at Mount Sinai where the nation camped, כאיש אחד בלב אחד, like one man, with one heart. (משך חכמה יב כא, ישמח ישראל - שבועות)

During the many difficult years of slavery, the moral fiber of this remarkable nation was put to test. When Moshe discovered that two amongst his own people, Dasan and Aviram, informed on him after slaying the Egyptian taskmaster, he bemoaned the deteriorated morals of the people that perhaps were deserving of their miserable fate. Although the Midrash states clearly that many among the nation refrained from betraying one another, nevertheless Moshe sensed that the rat race they were forced to live in - forcing them to vie to simply survive amidst the beatings, depravation and abuse - fostered a selfishness that eroded their otherwise inherent goodness.

After finally being redeemed from their crushing slavery, they were in need to rehabilitate toward sensing a greater unity, through respecting, and having genuine concern for one another.

To engender that camaraderie the Torah instructed them to bring together, family, neighbor and friends, forming a חבורה, literally a ‘coming together’, in celebrating this great moment and its ritual of eating the sacrifice, as one.

The Talmud records two diverging opinions as to what extent is one restricted from ‘leaving the group’.

The verse states ‘in one house יֵאָכֵל’.

The way tradition instructs us to ‘read’ it, it translates as: it shall be eaten. The way it appears, however, in its written form, absent of vowels, implies יֹאכֵל, meaning he shall eat.

There is a debate as to which version defines the halachic implications of the verse.

Rabbi Yehuda follows the מסורה, the masoretic (pure transmitted) text. Rabbi Shimon follows the מקרא, the read version.

According to Rabbi Yehuda the verse is addressing the person eating the sacrifice, directing him to make sure he eats it in the ‘group’ he aligned with, remaining with them the entire time, and prohibited from joining anyone else.

According to Rabbi Shimon the subject in the verse is the Korban , with the Torah instructing that ‘it’, i.e. the lamb, must be completely consumed by one group, within one house. The animal cannot be split between two divergent groups.

Rabbi Yehuda requires the individual to remain with the group he is associated, but the animal may be divided by two separate groups.

Rabbi Shimon would maintain that what is primary is the entire animal being consumed within one house, but an individual from within that group may opt to leave his group and eat it elsewhere. (פסחים פו שיטת רש"י עפ"י המהרש"א)

Rabbi Yehuda’s structure of the verse would seem to emphasize the validity of different groups among society, with the intimation that one must however be loyal to the group he identifies with.

The Holy Bnei Yissoscher, in his treatise on the mitzvos, Derech Pikudecha, asserts just that.

One must follow the group and its leaders his soul identifies with but maintaining respect for others who may have a different approach. (דרך פקודיך מצות לא תעשה טו)

Perhaps then we can suggest that Rabbi Shimon alternately, understands the verse to be teaching us a subtlety within that notion. Although a group and its adherents must support its beliefs, with a single-mindedness, it must never suffocate and stifle those among them that at times find the need to nourish their souls from other perspectives. (Based on an essay in ספר איים בים, Rav Aharon Yosef Rosen)

This is not only true about theological issues, but equally so in interpersonal relationships.

Loyalty and commitment are certainly vital ingredients to fostering healthy and meaningful relationships and friendship. Oftentimes, though, we question the authenticity of that connection when the other party acts in a manner that seems at odds with one’s allegiance.

A true friendship allows and encourages each partner to act according to one’s needs and understanding, without having to fear the friend will doubt his intentions.

So both formulas are critical in restoring bonds between people. Certainly, friendship requires of us to be there consistently for the other. At the same time there must be legroom in the relationship to be accepting of a friend’s choices even when they may seem at odds with our perception. That is what trust is all about.

My dear friend, Reb Nechemia Feldman shared with me a charming, but powerful, anecdote that brings this point home.

His late father, the beloved Reb Dovid Feldman, an authentic Galitzianer Yid with all the warmth, charm, wit, and wisdom associated with that title, davened regularly and famously at the legendary Rabbi Taub’s Shul.

Although he lived nearby, as he aged it became increasingly difficult for him to make the trek, especially since it necessitated his crossing over a main thoroughfare, Park Heights Ave. His dear wife worried about the danger and begged him to stay safely on their side of the street and daven at the Shul that shared the same side of the avenue, Cong. Bnai Jacob. 

Reb Dovid knew that his longtime friend, Rav Amram Taub, would try to sway him from his decision, and it would be an exercise in futility trying to convince him of his reasoning. He certainly couldn’t just disappear from his cherished Shul and would have to tell Rabbi Taub the ‘bad’ news.

Reb Dovid tentatively approached Rabbi Taub and conveyed his decision. Rabbi Taub was obviously taken aback at his long time mispallel and dearest friend’s decision and immediately began to badger him about it. Reb Dovid not wanting to get into a debate, looked Rabbi Taub deeply and warmly in the eyes and said the following words.

“Reb Amram, isn’t it true that we are wonderful and longstanding friends?” Rabbi Taub concurred instantly, nodding emphatically in the affirmative.

Reb Dovid then added, “Oib azoi, lummir bleiben gitter chavierim!”/ “If so, let’s keep it that way and remain good friends forever!”

No more words or further explanations were necessary.

So often treasured relationships go quickly south because of dashed expectations of behavior we anticipate from our friends, who have let ‘us’ down.

Sometimes it is justified to clarify and inquire to understand their actions. But most often, if we are true friends, we can look the other way with confidence in the friendship and giving the other the benefit of the doubt.

Let's always aspire ‘tzu bleiben gutten chaverim’, to remain good friends. It is so much easier. It is so right.

באהבה,

צבי יהודה טייכמאן