Have we changed yet?

We are each at various stages of our journey in life.

How different does each Elul seem in terms of our growth and spiritual accomplishments vis a vis the previous years?

Are we discovering that the more things change, the more things seem to stay the same?

Our portion begins with a sad tale of seemingly endless travails.

A soldier's eye catches a glimpse of a beautiful captive woman, sensing a strong desire to take her as his wife. After waiting the requisite amount of time where the woman is to remain disheveled and unattractive, and yet not waning in his craving for her, she converts, and he marries her.

Despite his hopes for a happy marriage, the Torah reports he ends up hating her, despite her having provided him with a firstborn son.

At the age of thirteen this child displays aberrant behavior, ignoring his parents many attempts to direct him on the right path. He goes on to commit a string of crimes — none deserving capital punishment — within a period of three months and is brought by his frustrated parents to the High Court in Jerusalem and sentenced to death by stoning.

He is punished so harshly, despite not having committed a sin warranting the death penalty, so that he may die while he is innocent, and not let him die when [he will inevitably be] guilty of capital crimes. (כל הנ"ל ברש"י כא י ד"ה ולקחת)

Can you imagine the disappointment of this erstwhile loyal soldier who started off life with so much hope for his future happy life — married, meriting a son, raising him to success in life, only to falter from love to hate; from hope to failure in raising a well-behaved child; a tragic ending with a father observing his child's execution?

Perhaps the Torah is referring to a sinister individual, who wasn't nobly seeking a worthy wife but merely looking for an excuse to marry a beautiful gentile woman, with the Torah teaching us that evil intentions will only create more problems.

The Holy Izbitzer, in his inimitable way, tells us otherwise.

Certainly, the Torah was 'not written for idiots', as the Talmudic adage goes.

The fact that the Torah describes our soldier being drawn to this woman with the term, וחשקת בה — and you desired her, indicates an inner drive for purposeful connection, often used in the context of a spiritual connection. (המגיד מדובנא)

I may add that the permission to take a captive woman is only during a מלחמת רשות — an optional war. To qualify to fight in an optional war one must pass muster before the officers who weed out all those who are 'fainthearted because of the sins in their hands'. So, we are clearly speaking about a G-d fearing soldier, whose intentions are not suspected.

When he realizes she has not lived up to his religious expectations of her he remains disappointed, yet hopeful, that the son she begat him will fulfill his aspirations to raise a child loyal to G-d's will. This will give him solace over his failed marriage and all the promise it held for him.

When this son begins to wander from the path, engaging in problematic behavior, his deepest angst returns, painfully pondering all those years of pained loss and extinguished hopes.

When they put to death this wayward son — by first stoning and then hanging him from the gallows — the father is crestfallen and ready to give up.

To address this poor man's dejection the Torah instructs, 'you may not allow his body to remain on the gallows overnight, but you must bury it on the same day… since a person who has been hanged is a 'degradation to G-d', with Rashi adding: in Whose image Man is created, for the Jews are G-d's children. (דברים כא כג ורש"י שם)

With this the father will gain peace of mind and be comforted for certainly G-d found good in this child, for were he to have been utterly worthless, G-d would not have directed he be taken down. There was some inherent good within these events that needed to be clarified, and it was not for nought that this father initially was drawn by 'desire' to this child's mother.  (מי השלוח כי תצא)

The Izbitzer concludes by pointing out that the portion immediately following this tale is that which discusses the obligation to return lost items.

No one is ever pushed away. Everyone must travel their path taking the essence of good that is within each one of us and seek its application in the myriads of circumstances of life that come our way.

The kernel of pure desire that sought to find its expression in the captive women, ultimately displayed itself in the errant child, who is even at the gallows recognized for the good he possessed, treasured as G-d's beloved child in His image.

We each make choices that lead us on the path unique to our tikkun — rectification. No one may ever judge another by their success nor by their plight. What to our eyes may seem like failure, is in the eyes of G-d our greatest accomplishment and purpose in life.

The Izbitzer says that one can never truly know whether one being drawn in one direction that seems contrary to the will of G-d is G-d driven, bringing proof from the episode of Yehuda and Tamar, where Yehuda was seemingly divinely drawn unwillingly to Tamar disguised as a harlot.

Of course, we can never know whether we are engaged in acts that are compelled or by choice, but one thing is for sure, regardless, we must keep on trying to cleave to G-d in finding our destination. He is constantly recalibrating the program to bring us closer to him until He recovers all of His beloved lost souls.

May we revel in this remarkable relationship we have with the Almighty, never sinking in despair.

You never know. Your resilience in failure may be that which G-d is seeking from you!

There are no failures, only detours that will bring us back onto the road to greatness.

באהבה,

צבי יהודה טייכמאן