It has been quite a painful year, one filled with much tragedy for our nation. On a personal note, the loss of my dear mother during this year has served to deepen the pain even more.

A dear friend, when observing recently how frustrated I was in my inability to share in a common friend's simcha due to my year of mourning, quoted a beautiful sentiment that helped me deal with that anguish. He said, "it is precisely because the joy of sharing in an other's happiness is so great, that we must refrain from experiencing it so that we may dwell on the profundity of our personal loss."

It gave me solace by intensifying the reality of the love I felt for my friend and magnifying the cherished and eternal connection I have with my mom.

On Tisha b'Av we are to refrain from studying Torah. This is based on the words of Dovid HaMelech who exclaims: The orders of the heart are upright, mesamchei lev — gladdening the heart. (Tehillim 19 9)

We are to refrain from the joy we derive from studying the words of Torah.

Are we really all that thrilled to study Torah that it diminishes our ability to mourn properly? Certainly, there are those inspired individuals who excite in their engagement of Torah learning. But what about all the rest of us?

The Chasam Sofer questions why Dovid HaMelech uses the term mesamchei lev rather than the more satisfying sensation implied in the phrase tov lev — a good [satisfied] heart?

He answers, it is true, that tov lev connotes that inner, exquisite satisfaction one feels upon achieving an expected goal. However, mesamchei lev defines the moment of joy that erupts when one is about to receive what one toiled toward and longed for. Though one feels happy, one is never truly sated since one always continues to pine for more and greater.

We may not realize it, and at times get frustrated in our learning, but it is only because we have that innate joy when achieving it, that it creates apparent anxiety when we strive for it.

During the Nine Days many have the custom to finish Masechtos and recite a Siyum, celebrating with a joyous meat meal. Why do we go to such great efforts specifically during this period of mourning when we are required from indulging in meat and wine during the Nine Days?

There is a kabbalistic tradition quoted by the greatest Rebbes, that the 'Evil Inclination’s title', סמא"ל, stands for סיום מסכת אין לעשות — a Siyum on a Maseches one shall not make.

A Siyum, the undertaking to learn an entire maseches, represents on the one hand a yearning to acquire a level of 'completeness', having fathomed an entire body of knowledge. But, on the other hand, despite our feeling fulfilled, inevitably we know there is so much more to know.

It is that same frustration. We are excited but still hungry for even more. We are at once happy — for reaching our goal, yet anxious — there is so much more we want.

That frame of mind is exactly our greatness. We are never truly satisfied. That reality, the evil inclination is quite aware, must be quashed if he is to defeat us.

We pray each day at the conclusion of the Amidah: May it be the will…that rebuilt shall the Holy Temple be, speedily in our days. Grant us our share in Your Torah…

We hope we will experience the Divine Presence with the rebuilding of the Temple, but at the same time we pine to be granted 'our share' of Torah. The only way to access the Shechinah, in the absence of His presence, is by connecting through His Torah. We each have a unique 'portion', that impacts our souls and ripples through all of creation affecting unknown influence upon the world.

When Yaakov slept unwittingly on the Temple Mount, he has a vision of a סֻלָם — ladder that was set earthward and its top reaching heavenward. סלם is an acronym for, סיום מסכת לעשות — one should celebrate a Siyum on a maseches.

The ultimate ‘striver’, despite his twenty-two years in the Bais Medrash of Shem and Ever is still reaching heavenward for more. This also symbolizes how our learning Torah down here on earth reaches to the Throne of Glory itself, greatly impacting the world we live in.

Several years ago, two chavrusos had finally finished learning together Maseches Sukkah, and began planning a Siyum. They designated a day shortly after Chanukah to celebrate. As circumstances would have it, Samael interfered, and due to a series of personal family issues of one of the pair, they were forced to delay to another later date.

They finally decided on the eve of the twenty-fifth of Teves for the long-awaited event. Once again, this time the other chavrusah had to cancel and move it to the next night, the twenty-sixth. Although frustrated by the delay they nevertheless committed the following morning prior to the night of the Siyum to begin their next project, maseches Brachos.

One of the pair went to the Seforim shelves and fetched a Gemara so they could begin. As he opens it, he notices that the volume was donated by the deceased's son, within the past year in memory of his father Reb Zvi Elimelech, who passed away on the twenty-sixth of Teves!

Clearly sensing the remarkable hand of Hashghacha, delaying the Siyum until it would coincide with this holy Yid's yahrtzeit, they immediately agreed to dedicate it in honor of Reb Zvi Elimelech, and as is customary, to 'invite' the neshama to the simcha, despite not knowing who he was.

Word started to spread in the Bais Medrash about the amazing sequence of events. Someone piped up that he knew the beloved Reb Zvi Elimelech. He shared that he was a 'survivor' who was highly regarded in the community and had a son, a great Talmid Chochom. The chavrusos eagerly get his name and phone number hoping to share with him this joyous 'nachas'.

The son was very touched and assured that he would share this story with his dear mother, Reb Zvi Elimelech's widow.

But first he shared with them a 'little detail' that would enlighten the amazing providence even more brightly.

His father had taken ill and was forced to seek medical treatment in America. After a long ordeal he passed away. They immediately began arranging his funeral in Israel, his home. Due to several frustrating bureaucratic delays, although he died on the twenty-sixth of Teves he was not buried until several days later.

The son related that there is a dispute among the poskim, when there is such a discrepancy, whether on the first year following a death, the yahrtzeit is commemorated on the day of burial, although in subsequent years it reverts to the day of death. He posed the query to his Rav who directed him to commemorate it on the day of the burial.

He recounted that his mother had been distraught over it, and although she submitted her will to the psak of the Rav, it pained her that the day of his actual departure from this world would go unnoted.

The son was eager to now report to his dear mother, that clearly the great Conductor in Heaven had not missed a beat!

A man who sacrificed so much for Hashem merited that a chain of events, with his son donating a volume of Gemara to the Shul his father prayed in, two chavrusos setting on a journey of learning and celebration, being frustratingly delayed only to discover that when you find you 'share' in Torah, although you may be implanted on earth, it reaches to highest spheres in heaven!

As we mourn over the Churban, holding back from engaging in the joy of our life — the study of Torah, let us get frustrated, and fired up, to pine for that closeness when we can, becoming aware how truly connected we become to Hashem, through Torah, meriting to be part of His presence!

May it be your will, O my G-d and G-d of my fathers, that the Temple be rebuilt speedily in our days, and give us our portion in your Torah, and there we will worship you with reverence as in ancient days and former years. And may the Mincha offering of Judah and Jerusalem be pleasing to God, as in ancient days and former years.

באהבה

צבי יהודה טייכמאן