Guaranteed Harmony
The moment that Eisav realized that Yaakov had "stolen" the brachos from him, he decided to take vengeance and kill his brother. As Yaakov traveled from Lavan back to Eretz Yisroel, Eisav gathered a small army and marched towards him and his camp to finally exact his revenge. Despite the fact that 34 years had passed (14 years at the academy of Shem and Eiver and 20 years at Lavan), Eisav's anger still flared. Yaakov took the following measures to calm Eisav's wrath: 1. He sent emissaries to Eisav bearing gifts. 2. He gave his messengers specific instructions to announce to Eisav that their gifts were a tribute from "your servant Yaakov". 3. When he saw Eisav approaching he bowed to him seven times. One might have considered these tactics a weak attempt to reconcile an over quarter century passionate feud. Yet, incredibly, when Eisav reached Yaakov he "embraced him, fell upon his neck, kissed him and cried" (33:4). Many commentaries, Rashi among them, explain that this was a genuine show of brotherly love and that Eisav did these acts with all of his heart. R' Hirsch points out that one does not cry unless he is genuinely moved, for tears flow as a result of one's innermost feelings. Indeed, as a result of Yaakov's endearing actions, the feelings of hatred that Eisav had harbored towards him for so many years had entirely evaporated over the course of just a few hours.
How can this be? Eisav's anger was not ignited over a trivial matter. He genuinely felt that Yaakov had stolen the brachos that Yitzchak had intended for him. Eisav was certain that as a result of Yaakov's "treachery", he and all of his descendants had lost out on an eternity of incredible blessing. He had every reason to be furious! Also, Eisav was a tough and hardened hunter/warrior. How could it be that a few presents and kind words could work such wonders on him???
The answer is that Yaakov harnessed one of the strongest forces on the human psyche: endearing gestures. In fact, this force is so strong that even someone as great as Moshe Rabbeinu would become partial and disqualified from judging a case if someone did something as trivial as giving him a hand up a flight of stairs. Why do favors have such an incredible effect on a beneficiary? The Gemara explains that “shochad”, the hebrew word for bribery, is an amalgam of the two words “shehu chad,” “that he is one”. This means that when someone accepts a favor they become "one" with the giver. The same way that it is natural for a person to overlook their own flaws and only see the good in themselves, when a person receives something from another he will naturally look out for and only notice the good in the giver (Ketubot 105a-b). Yaakov understood this well. With a strong desire for peace, he gave to Eisav monetarily, verbally ("your servant Yaakov"), and through actions (bowing to him). Through these acts, he was able to get Eisav to embrace, forgive and forget. Yaakov turned what may have resulted in an incredible tragedy into a reunion of true brotherly love. Indeed the power of sincere and thoughtful gestures are incredible *!
Living Inspired
Whether with our boss, coworkers, friends, spouse, children, etc., we all desire to have a good relationship with those around us. Through this week's parshah and the Gemara (ibid), the Torah is telling us that one of the most powerful methods of creating peace and unity is through sincere acts of respect, affection and courtesy. If such actions could melt Eisav's wrath and bring him to fall on his brother's neck and cry, how much stronger of an harmonious effect can it have on an acquaintance or someone that we are already in good standings with? Something as simple as holding a door open for another, greeting others with a bright smile and in a positive manner, and giving compliments are easy favors that really promote healthy harmony and makes you "one" with others. In fact, most of the people that we all enjoy being with often display many of these such qualities.
Both when we need to make peace with another or simply desire good will with those around us, never underestimate the power of a sincere kind word or other small favor. If we would all do small sincere acts of respect, affection and courtesy for each other, it would truly work wonders on our life's harmony and make the world we live in a better place.
Gut Shabbos
____________________________
Inspired by a Dvar Torah by R' Leiby Burnham on Parshas Shoftim.
* - It is important to note that attaining this affect does not require monetary means. The Gemara (ibid) explains that even trivial favors and acts of endearment promotes an unshakable feeling of unity with another. Additionally, Yaakov showed us that endearing words can also accomplish this.
Guaranteed Harmony
The moment that Eisav realized that Yaakov had "stolen" the brachos from him, he decided to take vengeance and kill his brother. As Yaakov traveled from Lavan back to Eretz Yisroel, Eisav gathered a small army and marched towards him and his camp to finally exact his revenge. Despite the fact that 34 years had passed (14 years at the academy of Shem and Eiver and 20 years at Lavan), Eisav's anger still flared. Yaakov took the following measures to calm Eisav's wrath: 1. He sent emissaries to Eisav bearing gifts. 2. He gave his messengers specific instructions to announce to Eisav that their gifts were a tribute from "your servant Yaakov". 3. When he saw Eisav approaching he bowed to him seven times. One might have considered these tactics a weak attempt to reconcile an over quarter century passionate feud. Yet, incredibly, when Eisav reached Yaakov he "embraced him, fell upon his neck, kissed him and cried" (33:4). Many commentaries, Rashi among them, explain that this was a genuine show of brotherly love and that Eisav did these acts with all of his heart. R' Hirsch points out that one does not cry unless he is genuinely moved, for tears flow as a result of one's innermost feelings. Indeed, as a result of Yaakov's endearing actions, the feelings of hatred that Eisav had harbored towards him for so many years had entirely evaporated over the course of just a few hours.
How can this be? Eisav's anger was not ignited over a trivial matter. He genuinely felt that Yaakov had stolen the brachos that Yitzchak had intended for him. Eisav was certain that as a result of Yaakov's "treachery", he and all of his descendants had lost out on an eternity of incredible blessing. He had every reason to be furious! Also, Eisav was a tough and hardened hunter/warrior. How could it be that a few presents and kind words could work such wonders on him???
The answer is that Yaakov harnessed one of the strongest forces on the human psyche: endearing gestures. In fact, this force is so strong that even someone as great as Moshe Rabbeinu would become partial and disqualified from judging a case if someone did something as trivial as giving him a hand up a flight of stairs. Why do favors have such an incredible effect on a beneficiary? The Gemara explains that “shochad”, the hebrew word for bribery, is an amalgam of the two words “shehu chad,” “that he is one”. This means that when someone accepts a favor they become "one" with the giver. The same way that it is natural for a person to overlook their own flaws and only see the good in themselves, when a person receives something from another he will naturally look out for and only notice the good in the giver (Ketubot 105a-b). Yaakov understood this well. With a strong desire for peace, he gave to Eisav monetarily, verbally ("your servant Yaakov"), and through actions (bowing to him). Through these acts, he was able to get Eisav to embrace, forgive and forget. Yaakov turned what may have resulted in an incredible tragedy into a reunion of true brotherly love. Indeed the power of sincere and thoughtful gestures are incredible *!
Living Inspired
Whether with our boss, coworkers, friends, spouse, children, etc., we all desire to have a good relationship with those around us. Through this week's parshah and the Gemara (ibid), the Torah is telling us that one of the most powerful methods of creating peace and unity is through sincere acts of respect, affection and courtesy. If such actions could melt Eisav's wrath and bring him to fall on his brother's neck and cry, how much stronger of an harmonious effect can it have on an acquaintance or someone that we are already in good standings with? Something as simple as holding a door open for another, greeting others with a bright smile and in a positive manner, and giving compliments are easy favors that really promote healthy harmony and makes you "one" with others. In fact, most of the people that we all enjoy being with often display many of these such qualities.
Both when we need to make peace with another or simply desire good will with those around us, never underestimate the power of a sincere kind word or other small favor. If we would all do small sincere acts of respect, affection and courtesy for each other, it would truly work wonders on our life's harmony and make the world we live in a better place.
Gut Shabbos
____________________________
Inspired by a Dvar Torah by R' Leiby Burnham on Parshas Shoftim.
* - It is important to note that attaining this affect does not require monetary means. The Gemara (ibid) explains that even trivial favors and acts of endearment promotes an unshakable feeling of unity with another. Additionally, Yaakov showed us that endearing words can also accomplish this.
