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Responsa of HaRav Yitzchak Berkovits shlit”a: Common Shmiras Haloshon Questions (#4)

By BJLife/Rabbi Dovid Jaffee

Posted on 02/16/20

Parshas HaShavua Divrei Torah sponsored by
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This article is adapted from my newly-released sefer, “What Can I Say... Today?” All halachos mentioned herein are complex and part of a larger framework. The purpose of the article is to raise awareness of these essential halachos. Hence, one should not draw any practical conclusions without first consulting a Rav.


Over the course of writing the sefer, I had the privilege of submitting questions to Rav Yitzchak Berkovits shlit”a, one of the leading poskim in the halachos of Shmiras Halashon, and receiving responses. I was also given access to other responsa of Rav Berkovits regarding these halachos. The following are questions and answers that were not reviewed by Rav Berkovits personally, but by one of his students.


1. Question: The Chofetz Chaim permits listening to someone badmouth another if you believe that you can convince him that he is wrong after hearing him out. What about the prohibition of lifnei iver? All of the time that you are listening to him, he is speaking loshon hora!


Answer: Preventing further issurim (prohibitions) is not called a michshal (stumbling block). However, though making shalom (peace) is a mitzvah, you really must be confident that it will work. I have been using this heter (leniency) less, as my attempts to set people straight have not been met with much success. Even in situations where I truly believed that I could change someone’s mind, I would talk with him, only to find him right back where he started.


If you do believe that you can help, consider this: How close is he to you? How receptive is he in general? How does he view you? If you are not quite so positive that it will work, and someone starts speaking loshon hora, it is safer just to distract him immediately.


Regarding lifnei iver, the Chofetz Chaim does not seem to be bothered by it when it comes to kabbalas loshon hora (accepting loshon hora). I am not sure why this is. He only says that you cannot tell a person loshon hora l’to’eles if you think he may say rechilus. I always teach that when you inform someone of negative information l’to’eles, you should always add that he should not believe you definitively as your assessment could be off (it is merely your own perception). He can take precautions, but only to protect himself because it may be true. (If you really believe that he will believe you anyway, such as if he is an overly naive individual, I do not understand how the heter can apply. However, the Chofetz Chaim does not list this as a condition for telling him.)


2. Question: Am I permitted to go to a function that I am socially required to be at (such as a family simchah) if my experience is that loshon hora is spoken there constantly? Is it enough to go and try not to listen (and believe it), or am I required not to go?


Answer: It is indeed assur (prohibited) to go to such an event. If you are capable of being proactive — preparing a plan for not listening to loshon hora that can reasonably work — then you can consider going. Think about and plan conversation topics that do not involve people, and then start those conversations in a skillful and outgoing way, such as, “Listen, I gotta tell you this story....” Do not be a listener — you should be the one dominating the conversation. If you cannot stay away from critical people, at least do not let them say anything!


3. Question: My son told me that someone pulled a (relatively harmless) prank on the rebbe. The menahel (principal) spoke to each boy in the class, and he said that until someone tells him who did it, the entire class will have to stay inside during recess. What should I tell him to do?


Answer: I fail to understand how a mechanech (educator) can do that. Rav Moshe Feinstein discusses this matter. He writes that threatening children with consequences if they do not tell on others teaches them to speak loshon hora. In order for children to tell the information for the right reason (which is one of the requirements of to’eles and unlikely to be fulfilled when they are threatened with negative consequences), the to’eles itself would need to be great enough that the children understand its importance (such as danger). Only when the children understand that there is a real need for the information can one possibly say that they will be speaking the loshon hora with to’eles in mind.


4. Question: Suppose a merchant or contractor asks me about a job, and I tell him that I went with someone else. If he asks me who, can I answer him, or is it loshon hora or rechilus?


Answer: It is avak loshon hora. When he hears the name, he may say a nasty comment about his competitor. It would only constitute rechilus if the one that took the job did something nasty to his competitor. Still, although merely mentioning that his competitor is successful does not constitute rechilus, it may constitute onaas devarim (causing pain to others with words), as you are telling him something painful for him to hear.