Falls and Failures

By BJLife/Rabbi Reuven Taragin
Posted on 07/28/24

When Falls are Failures

We recite Ashrei^[1] three times a day. Dovid arranged this mizmor in the order of the Aleph Bet with a pasuk that begins with each letter — except the letter nun. Rebbe Yochanan explains that Dovid left out the nun pasuk because it is associated with nefilah (falling).^[2] Whether national, personal, material, or spiritual, we all dread falling. Dovid felt it was better to leave the letter associated with falling out of the mizmor.

Falls are difficult to handle not only because of the challenges they pose but also because of the feeling of failure they generate. Falls challenge our self-esteem and make us feel weak and incapable.

The disappointment is often debilitating, especially when falls result from personal failure and not just external forces. Our sense of failure can consume us with guilt and regret.^[3] Mistakes made that are inconsistent with our religious values can cause people to see all their mitzvah fulfillment as insincere and meaningless. Many become depressed to the point they cannot even get out of bed!^[4]

Realistic Expectations

Dealing with falls begins with expecting them. We need to realize and remember that life is about facing challenges. Only a drunkard sees the world as straight and smooth.^[5] Sober people understand that, this world has its ups and downs. Rabbeinu Tam described this world as a “palace of challenges.”^[6] Anticipating these challenges makes them easier to handle.

People naturally seek peace and tranquility, but they are actually the characteristics of the next world, not this one.^[7] We are placed in this world to face and overcome challenges. When we seek peace and tranquility, we encounter upheaval instead. Chazal explain that this happened to Ya’akov Avinu. After his struggles with Eisav and Lavan, he sought to rest peacefully. Instead, he was beset by the turmoil between Yosef and his brothers.^[8]

On the personal level, the Steipler Gaon taught that it is almost impossible for people to maintain a constant state of perfection. Though we aim for perfection, we must remember that humans are imperfect and may often fail.

The Steipler Gaon^[9] made a similar comment about Torah learning. He explained that some talmidim think they can master the Torah quickly and easily and give up when they find it difficult. He explained that because “it can never be easy,” we should expect it to be challenging. Having this realistic expectation helps avoid disappointment and despair. 

Rav Hutner^[10] lamented the description of Gedolim in their “final form” without mention of the struggles and falls they had along the way. This partial presentation causes those who face challenges and experience falls to feel like they have no growth potential. They see themselves as forever doomed to fail. We should realize and remember that great people become that way after much hard work. Like us, our avot and imahot were flawed human beings who worked hard to become great people.^[11] Moshe Rabbeinu also faced challenges and had genetic character flaws he needed to improve.^[12]

We should realize that the greatness our ancestors achieved was based on their hard work, not their natural attributes. This should inspire us to believe that we can achieve similar greatness.^[13]

Jewish Resilience

Getting up from a fall can often feel very difficult. Understandably, many think that after falling, they cannot rise again. Haman’s wife Zeresh expressed this sentiment to her husband after he was forced to lead Mordechai through the streets: “You will not be able to handle Mordechai. You have begun falling before him and will eventually completely fall before him.”^[14] Even the beginnings of a fall can cause one to despair about the future.

Unlike Zeresh, the Jewish people have the unique ability to rise after falls. Dovid HaMelech saw this as the difference between us and other nations: “They have bowed and fallen, while we got up and stand upright.”^[15] Like other nations, the Jewish people fall. The difference is that we have the faith and resolve to get back up afterward.^[16]

Dovid explains in Sefer Tehillim that our ability to face challenges is inextricably linked to our relationship with Hashem. Rav Nachman bar Yitzchak^[17] explained that Dovid alluded to this in the pasuk following Ashrei’s missing “nun pasuk”: “Someich Hashem l’chol hanoflim — Hashem supports all those who have fallen.”^[18] Knowing that Hashem is there to help us, especially when we fall, should strengthen our faith in our ability to rebound after falling.^[19] This faith is our anchor in times of trouble, reminding us that we are never alone in our struggles.

We Can Change

When a fall reflects a personal failure, despair can be even stronger. If we were too weak to choose correctly in the past, we often assume that we will display similar weakness in the future. Indeed, the first man, Adam HaRishon, felt this way after his first sin. When Hashem asked him about his eating from the Eitz HaDa’at, Adam responded that he would continue doing so in the future as well. Instead of referring to his sin in the past tense, Adam used the future tense (with a “vav” to allow it to refer to the past as well).^[20] Adam felt that he would be no more successful at controlling his desires in the future than he was in the past.^[21]

Adam was, of course, mistaken. Teshuvah is always possible — no matter how many times one has sinned, how severe the sin,^[22] and how far one has fallen.^[23] Even Acher (Rav Elisha ben Avuya), who heard a heavenly voice exclude him from teshuvah,^[24] was still able to change his ways.^[25]

Rebbe Elazar ben Durdaya taught us this point. Elazar (as he was initially known) lived a life of hedonistic sin. In response to a prostitute who asserted his inability to repent, he committed himself to teshuvah. After crying himself to death out of regret, a heavenly voice announced that they had ushered “Rebbe” Elazar ben Durdaya into Olam Haba.^[26] Through one moment of belief in his ability to change, Rebbe Elazar earned a place in the next world and the title “Rebbe” because he taught us that even the greatest sinner can still repent.^[27]

True Tzaddikim

Reshaim are not the only ones who fail. Tzaddikim do as well. The difference is that Tzaddikim rebound afterward. Shlomo HaMelech made this point in Sefer Mishlei: “The Tzaddik falls seven times and yet rises again, but the Rasha stumbles into mischief.”^[28] Everyone makes mistakes. The difference between the Tzaddik and the Rasha lies in their response. The Rasha assumes he cannot change and continues down the wrong path. The Tzaddik learns from his mistakes and returns to his righteous ways.

Shlomo’s father, Dovid HaMelech, was a model of such a Tzaddik. Dovid experienced many ups and downs, in both material and spiritual ways, but he always rebounded.

His descendants inherited this trait from him. They, too, had many falls, to the point that Amos called the Davidic dynasty the “fallen tent of Dovid”^[29] and Chazal referred to Moshiach (Dovid’s descendant) as the “son of the fallen.”^[30] The dynasty persisted and will eventually be reinstated by Moshiach because Dovid’s heirs believed that no fall was final. They always saw themselves as able to rise again. They always had the strength to rebound and lead us again.

May we be inspired by Dovid and his dynasty to believe in our ability to face challenges and rebound from failure. May the actions inspired by this belief merit Hashem’s raising of the fallen tent of Dovid speedily in our days.

Rav Reuven Taragin is the Dean of Overseas Students at Yeshivat Hakotel and the Educational Director of World Mizrachi and the RZA. His new book, Essentials of Judaism, can be purchased at rabbireuventaragin.com.