Posted on 07/18/24
Baltimore, MD - July 18, 2024 - Mrs. Hochberg’s first role in my life was as the person I was sent to for misbehaving in class. One would think that I, as well as the rest of the boys at Torah Institute, would not enjoy being in the office where we were sent for misbehaving, but this was not the case.We all very much enjoyed Mrs. Hochberg and the pleasant atmosphere that she created in her office.
How did she accomplish this? How did she reprimand little boys without leaving hard feelings?
Shlomo Hamelech says in Mishlei, “Kamayim hapanim lapanim kein lev ha’adam la’adam”. A person’s heart is able to detect what lies under the surface of another person. If one person sincerely loves the other person, even if he has an unpleasant expression outwardly, the other person feels the love and automatically reflects it back like a mirror.
The mishna says in Pirkei Avos, “Hillel omer hevei mitalmidav shel Aharon… ohev es habriyos umkarvan latorah”. Hillel says, be from the talmidim of Aharon, who loves the creations and brings them close to the Torah. The Tiferes Yisrael explains, that the mishna says creations, and not people, to teach you that even individuals who don’t deserve to be called people, one must still love. The Tiferes Yisrael adds that the connection between these two things, loving creations and bringing them close to Torah, are connected, because one can only succeed in bringing others close to Torah if he truly loves them.
Mrs. Hochberg’s heart was overflowing with boundless love for each and every member of Klal Yisrael. Even as she reprimanded the boys, we felt that she was doing it entirely out of love and concern for us. But her love did not just remain locked up in her heart. It came out onto the surface in many ways.
She never raised her voice at us. I asked someone else who was sent to Mrs. Hochberg’s office in school if she ever screamed at him, to which he responded emphatically, “Never! She always spoke so softly!” She never called someone a bad boy. She spoke at length about why the action that was done was bad, and then she spoke about how special the boy is and how he has the power to be better in the future. Her walls were covered with positive, inspiring, messages about growing. She constantly offered us pastries from her stock, and if she didn’t have any, she would bring us to the canteen.
One of the tactics which she employed in order to help boys grow was asking them to help her. Whenever the school library bought new books, it was her job to ensure that protective cases would be taped on to them. She would always ask the boys in her office to help her tape the covers on. In retrospect, I realized that she didn’t need the help at all, but she wanted to be mechazek the troublemakers to feel that they are able to help with good things. When I was older and already in Yeshiva, she would ask me to give her something to say at the nursing home where she would speak on Pesach. She didn’t need the help, but she wanted to make me feel good and accomplished. A few times she told me on the phone that there’s a boy in school with whatever problem, and asked me if I had any ideas that could help him. She didn’t need that advice, but she wanted me to feel needed.
Mrs. Hochberg started her tenure in T.I. as a volunteer. When her boys were in the fairly new school, she realized that the school lacked the infrastructure to properly help the boys that needed extra help, so she offered her services to the school for free! Because she had such a strong ahavas Yisrael, she gave up from her time every day to help those who needed it. When she realized that T.I. needed a Jewish library, she arranged it herself.
Mrs. Hochberg’s chessed was not confined to the walls of T.I. at all. Her house was like the house of Avraham Avinu. So many people stayed in her house over the years, including Iranians and abandoned children. Her chessed for them was not limited to their physical needs, just like Avraham she took care of their spiritual needs too. She one time helped an Iranian girl refrain from marrying a non-Jew. Her phones and doorbell were constantly ringing with people coming to drop something off or pick something up for various chessed initiatives. She arranged the distribution of leftover food from various establishments. There is not enough room to list all of the countless chassadim that she did.
Later on, when I was in middle school, I had a lot of difficult things going on in my life. One day, in school, Mrs. Hochberg gave me a piece of paper with her phone number, 410-358-6786, written on it, and she told me that I should call her whenever I need help. I will never forget that phone number. I have dialed it so many times over the last eight years, that it is impossible for me to forget it. Even after I went to Yeshiva, I kept up with her sporadically.
Then, a little over three years ago, I was having some difficulties in Yeshiva, and my father arranged for me to meet Mrs. Hochberg in her house. She encouraged me and helped me, and told me that I should call her whenever I want, at any time, as well as every single Erev Shabbos. Since then, until she was admitted to the hospital, I spoke to her on the phone at least once a week, with very few exceptions. She never ended a phone call without saying, “I love you”. On Erev Shabbos, she would say, “Yesimcha Elokim k’efrayim vechimnashe. May you learn well and have hatzlacha in everything, good Shabbos”. A couple of times I woke her up at 2am, and she helped me. Since then, every time that I was in Baltimore, I went to her house at least once. She sometimes took me on errands, at times insisting that she pay from her own pocket.
It is impossible for me to write here even a little bit of everything she did for me.
Mrs. Hochberg one time told me a story in order to praise her father. Her father was once sitting shiva in his house in Rochester, when Telzer Rosh Yeshiva Rav Aizik Ausband, who was a distant relative of his, showed up to be menachem him. Mrs. Hochberg’s father asked Rav Aizik why he troubled himself to come all the way from Cleveland. Rav Aizik responded, “How can I not come for someone who managed to raise a family of bnei Torah in the spiritual wasteland of Rochester?”
Just as much as this story tells the praises of her father, this story tells the praises of Mrs. Hochberg herself, if not more. Rochester did not have a Jewish school. Mrs. Hochberg went to public school every day, and her father hired a tutor to teach her Jewish studies in the afternoon. Although she was in very non-Jewish surroundings, and had non-Jewish friends and a minimal Torah education, Mrs. Hochberg grew up into a truly torahdik lady. For this she deserves much credit.
Although women are not obligated to learn Torah, for the last hundred years or so, gedolei yisrael have instituted Torah learning for girls also. Telzer Rosh Yeshiva Rav Mottel Katz explained that this is because besides for the mitzvah of talmud Torah, a Jew must learn Hashem’s Torah in order to understand how to live a Torah life, and of course women must also live a Torah life. Mrs. Hochberg lived a Torah life.
Shlomo Hamelech says in Mishlei, “Ish lefi mehal’lo”. A person is measured based on that which they praise. Based on what a person appreciates, we can tell what type of person they are.
Mrs. Hochberg praised gedolim and their divrei Torah very often and constantly discussed topics of emunah and bitachon. When Rabbi Juravel gave her his English sefarim, she would devour them and talk about how wonderful they were. She would listen to many shiurim, especially the shiurim of Rabbi Silber. Many times, when I spoke to her on the phone before shabbos, she would repeat to me what Rabbi Silber had said in shiur that week.
For example, she told me that the ba’alei mussar ask a question. We say to Hashem in the morning raba emunasecha, your faith is great. What does it mean that Hashem has faith, aren’t we the ones who are supposed to have faith? The ba’alei mussar explain that from the fact that Hashem lets us wake up in the morning, we see that he has faith in us that we can succeed in our avodas Hashem that day. I’ve seen this vort in sefarim since, but I heard it first from her. This is just one example of many.
Mrs. Hochberg always asked me to share divrei Torah with her. Besides for the encouragement that she gave me by doing this, she also really did love to hear divrei Torah. When I spoke in the Yeshiva dining room on shabbos, she would ask me to repeat my speech for her. A few years ago, when I spoke at a siyum for over 45 minutes, she asked me to send her a CD of the recording, and she listened to the whole entire thing. Whenever I shared a vort with her she would light up and exclaim, “I like that!”
Mrs. Hochberg had a tremendous chashivus for da’as Torah. She consulted with her rabanim often and encouraged others to do so. She would always say that the safest thing to do is to ask a rav. Sometimes, when I was discussing an issue with her, she would say, “This is a question for a rav”.
How befitting it is that I, a Telzer talmid, have come all the way from Cleveland, upon the advice of my rabbeim, to the levaya of this chashuve lady, and how befitting it is that I bring with me a letter of condolences from Telzer Rosh Yeshiva Rav Dovid Goldberg, Rav Aizik Ausband’s son-in-law.
Mrs. Hochberg, the last time I spoke to you was when you were in the hospital. I called to give you chizuk and wish you a refu’ah sheleima, and to tell you that I was davening for you. You picked up the phone and said in your weak voice, “Avraham Chaim, I’m very sorry that I can’t help you right now. Im yirtzeh Hashem, when I get out of the hospital, I will help you. I love you”.
Mrs. Hochberg, you have now left the hospital. You are now on your way to a better place, to be together with the Ribono Shel Olam that you loved and served your whole life. You are now in a place where you can help even more than you were able to before, as chazal say, “Gedolim tzadikim bemisasam yoser mibechayeihem”. Righteous people have more power in shamayim. Please use your power to be a melitza yosher for us, your family, and the whole Klal Yisrael who you loved and cared about so much. Most of all, beg Hashem to bring the Mashiach that you davened for your whole life, like you shared with me that you were trying to find the right balance between davening for the geulah for the tza’ar hashechina and for the yeshua of klal Yisrael, like it says in Nefesh Hachaim.
Bila hamaves lanetzach umacha Hashem Elokim dimah meial kol panim venomar amen.