Posted on 05/05/22
This week’s parshah discusses the mitzvah of rebuking another who is doing something wrong (19:17). Besides for the obvious reasons, one of the many reasons behind this mitzvah is due to the fact that we are all in the same boat, as it says, “kol Yisroel arevin ze luzeh”, and therefore it’s in all of our best interest to work together to improve not just ourselves, but also each other and all of Klal Yisroel*.
There’s just one major, fundamental problem. We all know that the vast majority of mankind does not respond well to rebuke. In fact, when faced with rebuke, most people will do even worse instead of doing better. If so, how can we possibly accomplish this important Mitzvah Doraiysa*?
There was someone living in Cleveland who learned in Kollel for many years, until he finally got his big break and was given a position as a Rebee in a chashuva Yeshiva. He felt greatly elevated by the position and immediately took it to heart. He began wearing a tie each day, elevated his actions and speech, etc. He was a changed man and constantly put thought into everything he did, questioning whether or not a chashuva Rebee would do such thing.
His changes were all very positive…except for one misconception that was causing issues in his marriage.
You see, before he received the Rebee position, he would always take his home’s garbage out for his wife. It was not a glorious task, to say the very least, especially because he lived on the 3rd floor of an apartment building that had no elevator. He had always had to shlep the foul garbage down 3 flights of stairs & throw it out in the garbage dumpster behind the apartment building.
However, now that he was a choshove Rebee, he sincerely felt that it was not proper Kavod HaTorah to personally take out the garbage, especially not in public where his students & fellow Rab’ayim could see him. Although they were misguided, his beliefs were sincere.
Seeing that they did not agree on the matter, they decided to bring their disagreement to one of the Gedolei Ha’Dor, the Rebee’s Rosh Ha’Yeshiva, R’ Mordechai Gifter*, to advise them.
When the Rebee and his wife went to R’ Gifter, they both explained their perspective. The wife was certain that the Gadol Ha’Dor would agree with her and instruct her husband to take out the garbage. To her surprise, however, R’ Gifter turned to the husband and said “a man like you, with such Torah knowledge, such Torah proficiency, and with such a choshove position; you are absolutely right. A person like you should not be personally taking out the garbage. It doesn’t pas; it’s not fitting”.
The wife was a bit disappointed and surprised by the Rosh Ha’Yeshiva’s decision, but, she accepted the verdict of the Gadol Ha’Dor.
That night, at 8:30pm, there was a knock on the Rebee’s door. To his surprise, standing there was R’ Gifter himself.
“What is the Rosh Hayeshiva doing here?”, the Rebee asked in surprise?
“I had said today that a chosheve Talmud Chacham, such as yourself, should not be taking out the garbage; it’s not dignified for someone in such a high position in Torah to do so. But for a simple melamed (teacher) like me, I have no problem taking out the garbage”.
Refusing to take “no” for an answer, the Rosh Yeshiva was reluctantly allowed into the home, where he proceeded to take the garbage bags out of the garbage cans, tied them himself, walked down the 3 flights of stairs, and threw them out in the dumpster behind the building. Without a word, he then quietly left.
Suffice to say, the Rosh Ha’Yeshiva’s actions echoed far louder than words & made an indelible impression on that Rebee, one that he would remember for the rest of his life. Sure enough, R’ Gifter’s point hit him and from that moment on, the Rebee began taking out the garbage himself, with pride, each and every day & he never felt that a household chore was beneath him again.
(Story related by R’ Shlomo Landau, the Director of Community Mentors at Olami).
One can easily learn from this story the tremendous humility that a Gadol B’Yisroel, including R’ Gifter, possesses. Of equal importance, and related to our Parshah, one can also learn from this event the proper and truly effective way to rebuke and improve the behavior of others: not through sharp worlds, but rather, by leading, and teaching, by personal example.
Living Inspired
As detailed in our parshah, each and every one of us have a Mitzvah Doraiysa each day, as much as possible, to “rebuke”, and more specifically, do our part to improve, every member of Klal Yisroel (see Sefer HaChinuch 239).
Most would not look forward to performing this mitzvah in the simple sense of rebuking, nor should we, as verbal rebuke is more often than not, not altruistic, but rather, motivated by machlokes, which is of course not a mitzvah but rather an Issur M’Doraiysa. Furthermore, it is usually ineffective.
Instead, let us all internalize the above story and internalize the proper way to fulfill this mitzvah: lead and live your life by example and inspire others to follow you by doing so. This method will not only vastly improve Klal Yisroel as a whole, and fulfill our Mitzvah M’Doraiysa mentioned in this week’s parshah, it will also improve each and every one of us as well. May we all merit to do so.
Gut Shabbos
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*- It is important to note that if one rebukes in a manner that will not be accepted by the sinner, he has not fulfilled his obligation whatsoever. The whole purpose of rebuke is in order to successfully bring about improvement in one’s fellow yid (Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:16; Yevamos 65b).
*- R’ Mordechai Gifter was the Rosh Ha’Yeshiva of Telz Cleaveland. He was one of the Gedolei Ha’Dor in America. He was a prolific writer who authored many seforim, including Pirkei Torah, Hirhurei Teshuva, Pitei Mincha, Pirkei Iyun, Pirkei Moed, Torah Perspectives, and Pirkei Torah. R’ Gifter was also a noted speaker, who gave shiurim on many topics, including on Minchas Chinuch. Notes from that shiur were eventually compiled in a sefer called Pitei Mincha.
For many years, R’ Gifter led the Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah of Agudath Israel of America. He was niftar in 2001.