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Parshas Vayishlach - Hearts Reflect Like Water

By R' Shaya Gross, z'l

Posted on 11/30/17

Parshas HaShavua Divrei Torah sponsored by
Dr. Shapsy Tajerstein, DPM - Podiatry Care.
(410) 788-6633

[Ed. Note] Out of the respect and recognition of the impact made by longtime BJL friend and contributor, Reb Shaya Gross, z’l, we will maintain a living memoriam to Shaya through the sweet words and thoughtful insights of  his Divrei Torah. BJL readers will remember his weekly column on the Parsha and on various Torah ideas and concepts. These meaningful words will help us remember this special young man who will be sorely missed and for those who did not merit to know him, this will be the most appropriate way for them to become familiar with who he was.


When Eisav hugged and kissed Yaakov after not having seen Yaakov in many years, what were Eisav's true feelings toward Yaakov? Rav Shimon Bar Yochai holds that Eisav hugged and kissed Yaakov out of love. How did that occur if Eisav was coming with the intent to kill Yaakov?


The Panim Yafos has a marvelous answer for how this occurred. The Pasuk in Mishlei says 'ki'mayim hapanim lipanim kein leiv ha'adam li'adam,' just as your reflection in water mirrors what you do-if you smile, it smiles back; if you frown, it frowns back-so too with people’s hearts: when you love or hate someone in your heart, the feeling will be reciprocated.  So when Yaakov saw Eisav coming, he built up inside of himself a love for Eisav [perhaps by thinking things like 'he’s my one and only brother and he has some kedusha in him'] and therefore Eisav loved him back and ran forward with love to Yaakov!

However, this approach is not always successful. In next week's Parsha (Parshas Vayeishev), Yosef went looking for his brothers. He met an angel who told him that they went 'dasoiyna.' Rashi explains that they were sharpening their weapons to kill Yosef. What did Yosef do? Instead of fleeing in the opposite direction, he continued his journey toward the brothers! What was Yosef thinking? He knew they wanted to kill him! It was ten against one! What was his rationale?   
The Panim Yafos explains that Yosef, the ben zekunim [protege] of Yaakov, was planning on doing the same trick as his father. As soon as he would see them, he would build up love in his heart for his brothers, so that they would love him back. 


Why didn't Yosef's plan work in the same way that it had worked for Yaakov?


The Pasuk tells us ‘they saw him first and before he could come close to them, they despised him and wanted to kill him’, hence the ‘kimayim hapanim lipanim’ backfired and worked the other way. He now in some sense despised them back and was unable to love them! However, in regards to Yaakov, the Pasuk emphasizes that Yaakov saw Eisav first and therefore built up love in his heart for Eisav before Eisav would see him and build up hate in his heart for Yaakov!


This is a lesson for all of us, that if we are ever in a dispute with someone, the more we try to accept them and truly forgive them when we see them and think about them, the less hard feelings there will be, and true friendship can be [re]ignited without any need for discussion.


[From Baruch Gross]: This past week, the Baltimore community lost one if it's most esteemed members, Mrs. Esther Tendler, z"l, the wife of my High School Principal, Rabbi Yosef Tendler, ZT"L. Mrs. Tendler was someone who personified this dvar Torah to a "T". When people would meet her, they  would immediately be struck by her warmth and caring, no matter what type of background they came from. Whether they came from the most religious or irreligious home, she treated her as if she was one of her own. It made no difference because to Mrs. Tendler, there was nothing other than a beautiful Neshama in front of her that was waiting to be nurtured and loved. 

May we all take a lesson from this Dvar Torah and from Mrs. Tendler, to be accepting of people who may not be in our circles and to not look down at people; rather, we should see the beautiful Neshama that is inside each and every person