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Rabbi Baruch Leff in Mishpacha Magazine: Can We Teach Our Kids (and Ourselves) How to Daven?

By Mishpacha/Rabbi Boruch Leff

Posted on 10/29/17

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I have heard many fast chazzanim in my life, but this one set the record.


A nine-minute Minchah, with a full recitation of chazaras hashatz, including the Mourner’s Kaddish to boot — without skipping anything. I don’t even know how he physically managed to say the words faster than the guy delivering the disclaimers at the end of a radio ad.


Is this the way Hashem wants us to daven?   


Unintentionally, we were all taught at a young age that davening means saying words we don’t understand. And that davening well, with kavanah, means saying words we don’t understand — loudly.


As the school year begins, our children’s minds are open for new information and new educational ventures. Perhaps it is time we develop a curriculum to teach our kids tefillah so they can grow up truly connecting to what they say and not become like that fast chazzan.


I know that some schools have already done this, but there aren’t nearly enough, and this is especially true in our middle schools and high schools.


Can we make a change?


In our schools?


In ourselves?


Think about it: Men daven at least three times a day; women at least once a day. This means that men will daven Shemoneh Esreh over 1,100 times a year (including Mussaf); women at least 365 times a year. Over a lifetime, we are all going to daven Shemoneh Esreh tens of thousands of times.


The average man spends a minimum of 70 minutes a day praying to Hashem (assuming a 45-minute Shacharis and 25 minutes for Minchah and Maariv). The time women spend davening varies based on stage of life, but suffice it to say that a woman typically devotes an average of least 20 minutes a day to davening. This means that a man spends at least 26,000 minutes a year davening and a woman at least 7,000 minutes. 


When measured by time invested, Klal Yisrael clearly values avodas hatefillah, serving Hashem through prayer, tremendously.


But let’s have a heart-to-heart talk. Do we really feel different after davening? Do we feel closer to Hashem? Do we feel Hashem’s presence when we daven? Or do we rattle off too many of the words without thinking — or worse, thinking about everything else under the sun?


As the Kotzker once said, “Gold and silver are purified through fire. If you feel no improvement after davening, you are either made of base metal or your prayer lacked heat.” We are not made of base metal — we are all bnei melachim, princes of Hashem, as Chazal say. Therefore, if we don’t feel closer to Hashem after davening, it must be that our prayer lacked heat.


As Rav Shlomo Wolbe once said, “If a person davens the way he should, then he can feel the closeness with Hashem he attained.” Do we feel it? Maybe some people do — do we? Do I? Not often enough.


Considering that we dedicate so much of our lives to davening, we must develop a plan for doing it right. It would be a crying shame to go through life and spend so many countless hours on an endeavor without genuine progression and development.


Too many of us are impatient, and are more concerned with how much time the minyan takes and with finding the fastest minyan in town rather than the most spirited one. We are casual with our tefillos, and we fail to recognize the vital importance of our daily Shacharis, Minchah, and Maariv. For too many people, davening just isn’t exciting. For too many of us, davening is viewed as a tedious experience.


In most minyanim for Shacharis, too many men leave davening early. Yes, we must judge favorably each individual person and say that he is leaving early because he absolutely, positively must: He has to make a train, he has to drive a carpool, he has to help at home, he’s late for a chavrusa, and the like. Communally, however, the problem of people leaving davening early is much too prevalent for us to ignore.


Individuals have confided in me that they plan their schedules and count on leaving early because they “just can’t take davening for so long.” And then there are those who leave because they “have to go somewhere,” but then can be found in the parking lot schmoozing long after the minyan actually finished. Apparently, many who leave just don’t enjoy davening; they’re bored.


Listen to the words of Rav Gedalya Eisman, mashgiach of Yeshivas Kol Torah for over 50 years:


“I’ve seen a lot of eccentric people, but I never saw anyone daydreaming while reading a newspaper. Why? Because they find it interesting. We have to make our davening and learning interesting by keeping it fresh and engaging!”


Here's an idea:


The rav of the shul or a rotation of members should offer a very brief remark, insight, or thought before davening — perhaps for as short as 20 to 30 seconds. In theory, we are supposed to get the inspiration by ourselves, but let’s be honest, do we? Why should our minyanim begin with zero inspiration, especially given that they are recited (for good reason) in a language which is not our native tongue? This could be even a brief reminder about what we are about to do: that davening to Hashem and attaching ourselves to Him with true awareness and concentration helps us stay on course all day. Or some thought like that. Some people would find this practice a bit strange, but wouldn’t it help improve the way we daven? Honestly, wouldn’t it be wonderful if every shul would adopt such a practice?


Someone should be cheering us on, focusing us on what we are about to do and why we are here. We need a davening where the rav helps us, guides us, and yes, “cheers us on” with real and relevant messages. This should be done before davening and even during davening at the times when it is permitted to talk.


Would such a practice in all shuls around the world improve how we feel at davening and how we feel when we leave davening? Of course it would. So why not do it? Just because it will feel awkward at first and was never done? That didn’t stop Rav Meir Shapiro, Sarah Schenirer, and so many others.


How can we recapture the beauty of prayer and make it what it is supposed to be? There is really only one possibility. We need to daven more slowly and truly pay attention to the words we say. Forget deeper kavanos for now. Perhaps one day we’ll get there. But right now, let’s just say Ashrei and notice the words that we say. Let’s not allow our voices, mouths, and lips to work on autopilot.


If we read an article in this magazine aloud as quickly as we say Ashrei, there’s no way we would comprehend the article, even superficially. In order to attain even a basic understanding, we need to focus and concentrate on it.


If we davened slower, just slightly slower, if we really read the words and paid attention to them even on the simplest level, we wouldn’t be so bored at davening and maybe we’d stop cutting out of Shacharis early.


The next time we daven, let’s actually read the words at a pace where it is possible to focus on them and know what we’re saying as we say them. Let’s do it just once to see what it feels like.


We all daven tens of thousands of times throughout our lives. Let’s try to take steps to make davening a growing and passionate experience.


And let us especially educate our kids to know what they are saying, with a tefillah curriculum for all grades.


 


Rabbi Boruch Leff is the menahel of Toras HaLev, Maalot for Men, for post-high school bochurim, located in Baltimore, Maryland. He is the author of six books, writes weekly for Yated Ne’eman, and is a featured writer at Aish.com. He has delivered many dynamic speeches and seminars, especially on the topic of Shabbos growth.