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A Dying Mother's Wish: Please Do Not Tell My Parents - A Moral Dilemma for the Shabbos Table

By Rabbi Yitzy Weiner

Posted on 06/23/16

Parshas HaShavua Divrei Torah sponsored by
Dr. Shapsy Tajerstein, DPM - Podiatry Care.
(410) 788-6633

This week’s Torah portion discusses one of the sources for the Mitzva of praying to Hashem when one is in need. The Torah writes, "When you go to wage war on the oppressor that oppresses you and you will cry out…and you will be remembered before Hashem your God and you will be saved from your enemies" (Bamidbar 10,9,)


The following true story and moral dilemma explores the limits of this mitzva.


Devorah was a 35 year-old wife and mother. She had ailing, elderly parents and had a very close relationship with them. Sadly, Devorah was diagnosed with an advanced stage cancer. Devorah knew that if her parents knew of her diagnosis it would cause them extreme anxiety and she felt it would harm their health. She asked her husband Arye to keep her cancer diagnosis a secret from everyone else. She didn’t want her children to know, and she certainly did not want her parents to know about it.


In the beginning, Arye kept Devorah’s condition a secret. They were even able to keep all of the cancer treatments private and secret. However, after a few months, Devorah’s condition became progressively worse. The doctors were becoming much less optimistic. Arye knew that they needed a miracle to save Devorah. He understood that with prayer, Hashem can turn around even the most dire of prognoses. Arye really wanted others to be able to pray for Devorah. But Devora was still adamant about keeping her condition a secret.


There is a Jewish concept that the prayers of parents for  their children are very powerful. But there is also a mitzva called Gilui Sod, not to disclose information that one does not want others to share.


Arye felt very torn. He desperately wanted to tell Devorah’s parents about her condition because she needed their prayers so badly. He also felt it was very unfair for them not to know about their daughter's condition. But he also did not want to violate his wife’s desire for privacy. He wanted to know which value is more important in this case. The value of the power of prayer that can potentially save Devora’s life, or the value of respecting Devora’s privacy? How would you answer Arye?


(See Chashukei Chemed Yoma page 48)


Answer to last week’s moral dilemma


This story is discussed in Chashukei Chemed Yoma page 405


Rabbi Yitzchak Zilberstein explains as follows. Daniel has a right to call the police. He also has the right to accept the money in order to forgo his right to call the police. This would not be considered extortion because there are strong grounds that the thief actually stole the merchandise and Daniel is simply asking for the money that belonged to him.