וכי תמכרו ממכר לעמיתך או קנה מיד עמיתך אל תונו איש את אחיו (ויקרא כה יד), When you make a sale to your fellow or make a purchase from the hand of your fellow, do not cheat each man his brother.

 It’s strange that what began as a simple transaction between ‘fellow’ Jews suddenly turns in to ‘family’ business with each one careful not to cheat his ‘brother’.

Truthfully, the Torah uses several terms to refer to our fellow man. At times it calls him רעך, ‘your friend’, occasionally עמיתך, ‘your fellow’, and often he is termed אחיך, ‘your brother’.

All of them are all used in reference to one’s fellow Jew and not one’s actual brother.

There are no true synonyms in the Hebrew language since each word, however similar, has its own unique intimation and usage. Yet, strangely, here within one situation it switches mid verse from ‘fellow’ to ‘brother’.

A few verses later the Torah repeats an almost identical prohibition.

ולא תונו איש את עמיתו (שם שם יז), Each of you shall not aggrieve his fellow.

Although using the same verb as in the prior verse, here it calls for one not to inflict pain on another through caustic, insulting or embarrassing comments. But here the Torah reverts back to the earlier reference of עמית, ‘fellow’, in calling on one not to hurl invective against his fellow man, diverting from the last denotation of him as a ‘brother’.

What are we to make of all this?

Although a full treatment analyzing the various verses scattered throughout the Torah and the varied uses of these different terms denoting our relationship to our fellow man is beyond the scope of this essay, nevertheless from the perusal of some of the more familiar verses we may suggest the following.

In one of the most central expressions of the responsibility and sensitivity that exists between our fellow man we find the following:

לא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך, You shall not hate your brother in your heart

הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך, You shall reprove your fellow...

ואהבת לרעך כמוך (ויקרא יט יז-יח), You shall love your friend as yourself...

Within the space of two verses the entire range of relationships is traversed! What subtlety regarding the nature of our feelings towards others is being conveyed in this obvious contrast of nouns for our ‘fellow man’?

The Torah instructs that ‘neither sour dough nor honey should be brought on the Altar as an offering before G-d’. The Holy Kotzker observed that apparently G-d desires neither anything too sour or too sweet. With even greater flourish he added that when it comes to our relationship with G-d one should be, "נישט צו פויעריש און נישט צו היימיש", not too harsh nor too much ‘at home’, ‘heimish’.

When fine tuning our attitude towards G-d we must always remain reverent yet loving, not allowing the awe to extinguish our loving passion for Him. We must at the same prevent our fierce love from dousing a healthy instinct of fear, and maintain some distance.

The same is true in the relationship between man and man. There are times when we must be careful to not let our love for one another seduce us in assuming certain liberties in how we act towards each other, by convincing ourselves that after all the other will surely understand and not stand on formality. At the same time we must avoid too much distance in our dealings with others lest we become too businesslike and indifferent towards their feelings

Perhaps the Torah by instructing us not to hate our ‘brother’, is revealing to us the factor from where all hatred erupts. Precisely because we are brothers and ‘close’ we have certain expectations that when unfulfilled create terrible resentment. It’s that ‘heimishkeit’ we have with one another that can generate, at times, even greater distance. Aren’t most of the portrayals of ‘hatred’ the result of misguided expectations from brothers, from Hevel and Kayin, Yitzchock and Yishmael, Yaakov and Esav and the brothers’ hatred of Yosef? We sometimes could benefit by introducing some level of formality, even amongst brothers, so that the closeness doesn’t come to haunt us.

 

However, when we must reproach one another we must discard the ‘brother card’ so that it doesn’t blind us from being objective about a ‘brother’s’ failings and looking the other way. So therefore the Torah states we must reprove simply עמיתך, your fellow, not your brother.

 

The Talmud breaks this word down to mean עם שאתך, the ‘people who are with you’, those ‘equally bound by the Torah and mitzvos’ we are all committed to follow together. This downplays the deeper bond of natural ‘brotherhood’, emphasizing the distinct duties we commonly devote to. With this perspective we balance familial ‘understanding’ with the reality of dutiful responsibility.

 

After mastering this balancing act we can enter the realm of genuine friendship, becoming a ריע, a friend.

 

Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch expounding on the word ריע points out that it shares the same root as the word מרעה, which means ‘pasture’. One must see and recognize in his fellow Jew the ‘pasturage of his life’, the furthering of his own well-being, and the conditions for his own happiness in life. There are no competitors in life but rather supportive ‘team members’ we vitally need to attain our own success.

One engaged in commerce, clearly stands opposite his partner. Inevitably there exists a challenge. Will one position oneself with respectful distance and regard or will one warmly embrace this joint benefit. Each attitude presents a test. Will the distance allow for compassion in setting a fair price to the benefit of both parties? Or might the camaraderie of spirit allow for a certain looseness in being attentive to accurate values being exchanged.

 

When the Torah addresses each party to set a fair price it warns them ‘do not cheat your brother’, pointing to the potential pitfall of ‘brotherhood’, instructing them not to let familial comfort permit them to be imprecise and not totally sensitive to the other party’s needs, and to mindful as if he were a stranger.

 

When dealing later with the issue of aggrieving others with insensitive words, the verse accents the victim of those words as עמיתו, just a ‘fellow’, someone whom with we share a common destiny but no intimate connection. The sensitivities of the people we rub shoulders with are well known to us and we tread carefully not to step on their ‘toes’. But when dealing with strangers we often neglect their vulnerabilities. The Torah wants us to be astute in watching what we say that may impinge on another’s feelings.

 

May we carefully navigate the numerous interactions we have daily with each other, always remembering that although we are ‘bros’ we must never lapse into being careless in making dangerous assumptions.

 

If we succeed we will reap the remarkable fruits of the amazing pastures of friendship.

באהבה,

צבי טייכמאן