[Ed. Note] Out of the respect and recognition of the impact made by longtime BJL friend and contributor, Reb Shaya Gross, z’l, we will maintain a living memoriam to Shaya through the sweet words and thoughtful insights of  his Divrei Torah. BJL readers will remember his weekly column on the Parsha and on various Torah ideas and concepts. These meaningful words will help us remember this special young man who will be sorely missed and for those who did not merit to know him, this will be the most appropriate way for them to become familiar with who he was.

Rav Shimon Bar Yochai holds that Eisav hugged and kissed Yaakov lovingly. How did that occur if Eisav was coming with the intent to kill Yaakov?

The Panim Yafos has two marvelous answers for how this occurred. Here is one of them. The Pasuk in Mishlei says 'ki'mayim hapanim lipanim kein leiv ha'adam li'adam' , that just like a reflection in water mirrors what you do-if you smile it smiles back, if you frown it frowns back-so it is with people’s hearts; when you love or hate someone in your heart the feeling will be felt and reciprocated.  So when Yaakov saw Eisav coming he built up inside himself love for Eisav [probably thinking things like 'he’s my one and only brother and he has some kedusha in him'] and therefore Eisav loved him back and ran forward with love to Yaakov!

In next week's Parsha, Yosef goes looking for his brother. He meets an angel who tells him they went 'dasoiyna'. Rashi explains it means they were sharpening their weapons to kill Yosef. What does Yosef do? Instead of fleeing in the opposite direction he continues his journey to the brothers! What was he thinking? He knew they wanted to kill him? It was a ten against one! What was his rational???

Explains the Panim Yafos, Yosef, the ben zekunim of Yaakov, was planning on doing the same trick as his father. As soon as he would see them he would build up in his heart love for his brothers, so that they would love him back and everything would be fine.

Why didn't it work?

Tells us the Pasuk, ‘they saw him first and before he could come close to them, they despised him and wanted to kill him’, hence the ‘kimayim hapanim lipanim’ backfired and worked the other way. He now in some sense despised them back and was unable to love them!

Whereas by Yaakov, the Pasuk emphasizes that Yaakov saw Eisav first and therefore built up in his heart love for Eisav, before Eisav would see him and build up in his heart hate for Yaakov!

A lesson for all of us, if we are ever in a dispute with someone, the more we try to accept them and truly forgive them when we see them and think about them, the less the hard feelings will be there and true friendship can be [re]ignited without much being discussed.